why is that i feel the world is all against me..
what i do, what i say..
is all turned back against me.
Have i not do my responsibility?
Have i hurt someone feelings..?
what have i done today?

sumthing i've been thinking and thinking..may be my ego is taking charge, causing me to overlook my own weakness and wrong doings..
i've tried to remove the protective glass..i've even throw the shield that cover me up from the past..
yet...there's still a missing piece in that picture..somethings not rite..

someone once reminded me that, in whatever you do, treat them nicely and fairly. Does'nt matter if she's one of the akhawat or not..People(we) tend to overlook the feelings of akhawat once we ourselves are among that group of people. We often expect the others who're also in the group to always 'berlapang dada', ithar..etc(all the sifat mahmudah).. and thus, without realizing it, we have violated the goodness of these group of people..
In everything that we do, we say toward others, we are not sensitive to to those who are 'akhawat'. In fact, we expect them to never get angry to us, just because they know and understand, 'patience is essential...etc'.
Yet, at the presence of others, who's not among the group, we act nicely, even being too considerate to them, until they starts to dominant us...
Yeah..a reality we often do not see!
dont know why..may be we have too much expectation that once you're an akhawat, you need to have all these qualities in your action..
wherelse in the quran, Allah asked us to be nice to everything, everyone on the earth..not just to the kuffar..

and recently, i've sort of feel like being tested..whether i really practice what i've learned..everyone is behaving like an examiner..their decision, their actions, saying are all testing my patience, inner strength..etc..
and sometimes, i wonder, should i continue to be patience as they are akhawat and i do need to understand that every living humans make mistakes..and like it or not..i need to accept it..yet..sometimes, i think its too much.. but i dont know..i'm leaving it to Allah decide it all..i just pray that i'll be strong to handle these things with an open heart and mind..